Less than a week to go until opening day. I’m like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting for this season to start. The Twins took a major step forward in 2015 with a surprising 83-79 record, just missing the second wild card spot. Dipshit “experts” are expecting another step back, when arguably, the twins have one of the most improved rosters in the MLB. If the young players and pitchers continue to develop, we could be looking at a playoff team. We all know that anything can happen in the MLB playoffs, so I would go as far to say a contender. Fuck the haters.


The Roster

C: Kurt Suzuki, John Murphy

1B: Joe Mauer, Byung Ho-Park (Kinda not really, DH)

2B: Brian Dozier

3B: Trevor Plouffe

SS: Eduardo Escobar, Eduardo Nunez, Danny Santana,

LF: Eddie Rosario, Oswaldo Arcia

CF: Byron Buxton

RF: Miguel Sano


Projected Batting Order

  1. Brian Dozier – 2B
  2. Eddie Rosario – RF
  3. Joe Mauer  – 1B (Fuck this but it’s going to happen)
  4. Miguel Sano – LF
  5. Byung Ho-Park – DH
  6. Trevor Plouffe – 3B
  7. Eduardo Escobar – SS
  8. Kurt Suzuki – C
  9. Byron Buxton – CF


So Joe Mauer, who we gave a huge contract to back in 2011 ( 23M/yr, at the time very deserving), is still likely 3rd in the order. I’m not gonna throw shade at the front office over that, but Paul Molitor needs to realize this guy is descending. A modest 10 HR and 66 RBI last year batting third in almost every game. I will forever be a Joe Mauer fanboy, but I have realized the obvious: He isn’t the Joe Mauer of 2009 anymore. The options for batting third is somewhat limited, but my vote would be Miguel Sano. He hit 18 HRs in 80 games last year, the dude can BALL. We also await a consistent presence at shortstop. I’m hoping Jorge Polanco can be that guy. He has had a few ABs for the Twins and he has made the most of those batting .300, but he is still a young prospect. Him and Max Kepler (AA Southern League MVP 2015) await that call this year. Max is a guy who can just put the ball in the gaps, the dude knows how to hit baseballs. He doesn’t have overwhelming power, but he finds those gaps. That’s something the Twins could really use. We’re most likely going to have to out-hit teams this year to win baseball games. We need to see that improvement offensively.




“Welcome to the future mother fuckers” -Byron Buxton (Probably)



SP: Phil Hughes, Ervin Santana, Tommy Milone, Kyle Gibson, Ricky Nolasco (Not for long)

RP: Glenn Perkins, Trevor May, Casey Fien, Kevin Jepsen, Ryan Pressley, Michael Tonkin


The pitching staff is where the Twins make or break the season. Extremely underwhelming starting rotation, and a decent bullpen. It all starts with the pitching staff on the road to the playoffs this year. Ervin Santana missed 80 games with a suspension last year. Hopefully those roids start to kick in and we get a heck of a year out of him. What I am anticipating the most, although, is the arrival of Jose Berrios. Posting an extremely impressive ERA in AAA ball last season. It won’t be long until he gets pulled up. He will be asked to be “The Guy” almost immediately. The Twins are in dire need of that hard throwing strikeout pitcher. The Twins have continued to ignore the analytics and continue to sign flyball pitchers. Jose Berrios is a guy who can finally be, what we hope, another Johan Santana. His fastball has movement, deadly slider, and a changeup that throws hitters brains into a mental swirly. I can’t wait to watch this guy show his stuff.


Jose Berrios


We will finish things off with the Twins fans (speaking for all of us) wish list.


What Fans Want To See Most Out Of The 2017 Roster

  1. Move Joe Mauer out of the 3rd spot in the batting order
  2. Jose Berrios’ much awaited arrival
  3. Vast improvement for Byron Buxton
  4. Shit on the “experts”
  5. Jorge Polanco becomes the everyday shortstop
  6. Max Kepler finds his way onto the roster
  7. Tyler Duffey eventually makes his way back to the starting rotation
  8. Alex Meyer has a bounce back season in the minors
  9. Quite obviously, we want a playoff contending team